Breaking the Rules

Q: My daughter (16) is always trying to press my buttons - staying out beyond curfew, playing her music really loud when we are trying to go to sleep at night. Any ideas on how I can not get mad but just get some cooperation?

A: Usually when teenagers behave in ways that we do not like, it is not done intentionally to get to us. Usually it is because they are doing what they want to do and can be very inconsiderate. Always the best strategy is to confront her every time, and let her know that what she is doing is unacceptable, but not getting into a lengthy argument. What immediately starts to work against you is if you get into lecturing her about how inconsiderate she is, getting her to understand how what she is doing is wrong. All that ever accomplishes is her then blaming you for being mean instead of looking at her own behavior. You’re confronting her every time but not arguing will have an effect. She will play the music less loudly – some of the time. She will do better about her curfew – some of the time. But the fact is that parent control of willful teenagers is usually imperfect, but control is there, and it would be too bad if you gave up because you felt you were having no effect. You do.

Anthony E. Wolf, Ph.D. is a practicing clinical psychologist who has been seeing children and adolescents for thirty years. He is the author of six parenting books including the best selling, "'Get Out of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall?' A Parent’s Guide to the New Teenager." He is married and the father of two ex-teenagers.

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Talking to your Teens about Money

“You have to have a conversation…about how money is to be spent,” Schwab Pomerantz says. You can suggest your teen use her allowance for some of the items you normally purchase – like shampoo, haircuts, and movies. They can also appropriate some as “fun money” and some as savings for a big-ticket item, like a new car or contributions to their college fund.

Giving Teens Their Own Accounts to Manage

A good way to get your teen in the habit of budgeting and spending wisely is to open their own checking and savings accounts with you as a joint or custodial account holder.

Grady, for example, says that getting bank accounts have helped keep his spending from going overboard. “I try to watch what I’m spending and actually look and see how much I have in the bank,” he says. Before, he would just spend until he was broke, and not know where his money went.

Another must-know topic is credit. “Learning about a credit card is vitally important today, in particular with the amount of debt in our country, and the number of bankruptcies,” Schwab Pomerantz says. “Kids [can] practice using a credit card with a low balance, paying it off on a monthly basis, understanding the fees and penalties that go along with it if you don’t pay it off, and understanding how interest can accrue so quickly,” she says.

Tamekia Reece is a writer in Houston, TX. She's written on parenting topics for Parents, Woman's Day, Parenting, and Fit Pregnancy. Visit her at
www.tamekiareece.com.

Taken from: Parenting Teens Online