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Talking to your Teens about Money

“You have to have a conversation…about how money is to be spent,” Schwab Pomerantz says. You can suggest your teen use her allowance for some of the items you normally purchase – like shampoo, haircuts, and movies. They can also appropriate some as “fun money” and some as savings for a big-ticket item, like a new car or contributions to their college fund.

Giving Teens Their Own Accounts to Manage

A good way to get your teen in the habit of budgeting and spending wisely is to open their own checking and savings accounts with you as a joint or custodial account holder.

Grady, for example, says that getting bank accounts have helped keep his spending from going overboard. “I try to watch what I’m spending and actually look and see how much I have in the bank,” he says. Before, he would just spend until he was broke, and not know where his money went.

Another must-know topic is credit. “Learning about a credit card is vitally important today, in particular with the amount of debt in our country, and the number of bankruptcies,” Schwab Pomerantz says. “Kids [can] practice using a credit card with a low balance, paying it off on a monthly basis, understanding the fees and penalties that go along with it if you don’t pay it off, and understanding how interest can accrue so quickly,” she says.

Tamekia Reece is a writer in Houston, TX. She's written on parenting topics for Parents, Woman's Day, Parenting, and Fit Pregnancy. Visit her at
www.tamekiareece.com.

Taken from: Parenting Teens Online

Stop the Swearing Cycle

Teens may think swearing is cool, but the truly cool are confident and articulate. Swearing reveals the opposite: insecurity and aggression. Swearing just sounds dumb, and dumb is never cool.

2. Promise to Improve Your Own Language

If you swear, you can make a powerful impact by saying, "I realize that I've set a bad example with my language and I'm working to improve it. I hope you’ll forgive me, and I'm asking you to make the same effort." Don't be dismayed by the inevitable eye-rolling. Your humility will make an impression, and it could be the first step in an important discussion about why words matter.

3. Explain the Link between Language and Moods

The hostility of foul language increases feelings of anger, which raises stress hormones and creates a vicious cycle of anger-swearing-anger. So if you want to be happier, talk cleaner.

4. Deflate the "But Everybody Does It!" Argument

The prevalence of obscene language in the media has made teen swearing an even bigger issue. Still, it’s a pretty lame argument to say that “Everybody does it," since it's no defense against indefensible behavior. In fact, O'Connor explains that the hostile and bitter tone of most swearing makes it a form of verbal violence. And what about the "freedom of speech" argument? Remind your kids that other people have rights, too, including the right not to be verbally assaulted by profanity.

5. Build Your Teen's Sense of Dignity and Belonging

Teens may also curse to get attention or to express rebellion or anger. Try to understand what's motivating your teens' need to swear, and look for ways to build their sense of self. You might suggest they actually say, “I am so angry right now because….” to help them get at the source of the problem. Teens still need heaps of reassurance and love from their parents. If your relationship with your teens is damaged or fragile, take their swearing problem as a wake-up call that they may need professional help to deal with underlying issues of anger, rebellion, or depression.

6. Build Incentives

Offer to treat your teens to an evening at their favorite restaurant or something else they'll enjoy if they go for an agreed-upon stretch of time with no swearing. This is a win-win: You have just scheduled time with your kids that you might not otherwise have spent together.

7. Set Standards for Your Home

Tell your kids, "This is a swearing-free environment," and establish consequences for violating the house rules, such as charging a dollar per swear word. Put your money where your mouth is, and pay the same price if you slip. Don't overreact to occasional infractions, but in-your-face violations will require more memorable consequences, such as withholding allowance or permission to use the car. Whatever consequences you choose, be firm. It's your home. You are the parent. Act like one.

8. Be Patient

Breaking habits is hard. Your teens will not suddenly stop swearing, but investing the time and effort to help them understand how deeply words matter will help your teens grow into adults who won't only sound more mature, they'll be more mature, educated, and respected.

Judy Gruen is a humor writer whose latest book is The Women's Daily Irony Supplement, and the proud mother of four teens. Read more of her work on www.judygruen.com .

Party at your place?

Setting expectations up front is key when your teen is planning a house party. Ask your teen what you can do to make this a great event. After listening, explain what’s important to you. Come up with an agreement that includes no going into bedrooms and no alcohol or drugs. As a parent, you can be held liable, so if your teen protests, blame the rules on that. It can be difficult for teens to patrol their peers, so parents should supervise. If rules are broken, enforce consequences such as taking away cell phone or car privileges. I recommend against sleepovers because so many problems can arise, especially when uninvited guests crash a party. But I encourage parents to make their house the friendly hangout for teens, with plenty of food and a relaxing atmosphere. When they come to your house, you can control the environment.

Sean Covey, author of The 6 Most Important Decisions You'll Ever Make: A Guide for Teens and The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens

Taken from: Parenting Teens Online

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